Sometimes you look at a couple in love and marvel at their idyll. But six months pass, and the first quarrels begin. Sometimes it can reach a fight. But the woman clenches her teeth and says to herself (and sometimes aloud): "If you beat, then you love." Where did this expression come from, let's figure it out.
Origin history
When did the phrase “hit means love”? Hard to tell. Like all phraseological units, folk expressions lose their roots in history. But there are records of the XVI century, made by priest Sylvester. In his book “Domostroy” he wrote: “Biya in the body, having saved the soul from death …” But complex church texts were not to the liking of the people. People rephrased them in the expression "if he hits, then he loves." And I must say, this idiom turned out to be tenacious. And to this day, you can hear it from the lips of women and men.
Is the phrase true?
Today, the expression “hit means love” is terrible to most of the population of our country. But to be honest, people are divided into two camps. Some consider beatings to be a normal part of life and see nothing wrong with them.
Some men who do not know how to solve their problems in any other way than the kulaks use the demonstration of their strength not only among friends. At home, they also often show his wife who is in charge. But still there are few such unbalanced people. No normal person will beat another without a reason. More often than not, men beat their wives out of jealousy. And yes, to some extent the phraseological unit is true. After all, beatings are inflicted in order to teach a lesson to a person, even a close one. It is enough to recall how in Russian families children were beaten for wrongdoing. And this was considered the norm, a way of learning.
The opinion of men
Where it came from “beats - it means loves”, we understood. And now we will tell what modern men think about this expression. There are very few individuals who are able to raise a hand for a loved one. And it does not matter who it is - a wife or her own child. For many centuries, men have found a way to restrain their aggression and not to manifest it without unnecessary need. Today, the chance that a husband will be rude to his wife is much higher than the chance that he will beat her. But you need to understand that sometimes words hurt more than fists.
The opinion of women
Surprisingly, the fairer sex today believe in the expression “beats - then loves” more than men. A woman wants her faithful to pay attention to her, but how this attention will be manifested is not so important. If a man is affectionate and gentle - fine, but if he is rude and arrogant - this is also normal. Some women are so sure that all men are such that it does not even occur to them to moderate the ardor of their lover.
All this happens because many women grew up without fathers and did not see normal relations in the family. The girl, getting married, does not know what constitutes a normal family life. She studies her from books and films. And there often, to show who is the boss in the house, a man uses his fists. And it even seems strange to the girls when her missus does not try to dominate her. Especially sophisticated ladies sometimes even force men to treat them rudely than they themselves and push them to domestic violence.
The opinion of experts
Psychotherapists believe that the proverb “beats - then loves” is quite true. People, being in a relationship, become dependent on each other. They begin to fear that one of them will find a better partner. At first, people try to bind each other with care and affection. And then, when love passes, the stage of retaining a partner begins with the help of threats and beatings. And not so rarely the aggressor is a woman, not a man. It's no secret that in a relationship, usually one person loves more, and the other takes courtship. So, some naively think that this is noticeable only to others. Nothing like this. A person who does not receive love perfectly understands the current situation. And it is from a lack of reciprocity that jealousy and threats begin.
Why do men beat?
There are several reasons for aggressive behavior. Some individuals sincerely believe in the proverb “hit means love”, but most men are still justified by this statement. The true causes are hidden much deeper.
- Jealousy. One of the main causes of beatings is banal jealousy. Men see that their opponent is smarter / prettier / richer, and they are trying with all their might to protect their beloved woman from communicating with their competitor.
- Public humiliation. When a woman publicly ridicules her husband’s failures, this can provoke a conflict. The hurt pride immediately reacts, and the man, using force, tries to show that he is not such a loser as they say about him.
- The woman is drunk. In an inadequate state, ladies can behave very liberally, even in a crowded place. Some men, through physical strength, try to enlighten their missus.
Why do women endure?
Over time, a habit develops for everything - both bad and good. If a man drinks, smokes or resolves disputes with his fists, this is annoying only the first time. If a woman learns to tolerate this, gradually she will even stop noticing it. In no case should this be allowed. If a man hit you once, this can still be attributed to chance, but if aggressive actions are repeated, you need to urgently run away from such a arrogant man.
A woman can endure not only out of habit. Some women have so low self-esteem that they believe that they simply will not find anyone better. And some women are so fond of being pitied that they are trying with all their might to bring on themselves misfortune, including the anger of her husband. Moreover, they will annoy the man from time to time so that the beatings are repeated, and the pity for them from friends and relatives only increased.
How not to bring the relationship to a fight
People say: “Beats - it means loves”, but this is not so. How to establish normal relations, without aggression from any side?
- You need to be able to listen to each other. Any problem can be solved peacefully, if you do not interrupt the opponent and give him a chance to speak. With logical arguments, any issue can be resolved.
- Do not underestimate someone else's self-esteem. A reasonable person will never be jealous of his partner if he is confident in the sincerity of his feelings.
- Do not take out the dirty linen in public. If there are any problems, it is worth discussing them in private, and not in public.
