Someday, all children, whether they be relatives or adoptive children, mature. Then they with greater awareness perceive adoption. They begin to analyze the life they have lived. Understanding what happens to the children at these moments will help the story of the adoption of the adopted child in the family. Fortunately, there are a lot of them published.
Adoptive Daughter Advice
One story from the life of a foster family provides instructive advice to parents. So, a girl adopted at 7 years old said that she perfectly remembered her real parents. They were good parents, but they were sent to prison due to a serious offense. In this case, the child can often arrange tantrums. In a real story, families with foster children have done so. The girl wrote to her father, not knowing that her adoptive mother was answering her. And so it went on for many years until her dad left prison. Then the baby said that she wants to live with him. And after that, she realized that in vain she did not appreciate the adoptive parents. Having lived with a real father, who turned out to be an evil and drinking man, she returned to the foster family a couple of days later.
The moral of this story is simple - the girl was spared too much, she at 7 years old could already understand that it was not the evil people who took her father to prison. The stories of children in foster families are a confirmation that it is better to speak honestly with the child, not to hide from him, not to allow himself this pity. Pity for those whom the parents left is a way of manipulation, this happens often.
The child did not know that he was adopted
In some sad stories of foster families, the ways of the child and the mother, who took the birth of someone else's child, diverge. This happened in this case. A girl under 15 did not know that she was adopted. And then they told her, and she began to look for a real mother.
The woman who adopted her and raised her was offended. And she stopped communicating with her daughter, who was worried about it. She advises foster parents to accept that the search for true ancestors is normal. It is best to maintain a family relationship with foster children forever. In this story, the girl found real parents, but, meeting them, did not feel anything. She saw two unfortunate people who made a mistake in their youth. She communicated with them through force. But the real parents, close people for her remained a foster family.
Adopted at 13
In the next adaptation story in a foster family, the boy was adopted at 13 years old. It was in the countryside. By that time, he was a spoiled child in an orphanage, despite the fact that this seems strange to someone. The orphanage had sponsors who supplied clothes, toys, appliances and sweets there. And not every family would allow the child the same.
In addition, the boy had a “guest” family - she took him for the weekend, arranged for him adventures - trips, movies, a zoo. These were the elderly. He himself would not voluntarily leave the orphanage, but they decided to disband it. In fear of the unknown, the boy agreed to meet his adoptive parents. But in the countryside it was necessary to work, and he knew little, and was also lazy.
Now he is ashamed of this. However, the adoptive parents supported him, giving him his favorite business - woodcarving, which has now become his business. These parents took three children. And in this story about adopted children, the once adopted boy emphasizes that even a difficult child will be pulled out by his beloved business. He advises foster parents not to consider themselves magicians, not to give children pity, money. It is best to educate him and be strict, keep his word. Do not allow the adopted child to use the parents.
Scandals
The shocking stories of foster families also come up periodically, when children are simply seized by guardianship authorities, initiating criminal proceedings against their parents. So, parents came to Moscow from Kaliningrad, who refused custody of 7 children after receiving a refusal to issue Moscow allowance.
As a rule, stories of the return of orphans in foster families occur according to one scenario. While the child is small, he grows like all ordinary children. But growing up, in his teens, he begins to behave very badly. Often adopted children behave exactly like their parents, who were once imprisoned and who suffered from alcoholism. Addictions to these habits are inherited, even if a person never knew who his ancestors were. Desperate adoptive parents try to cope with this, but, exhausted, fail and surrender the child.
This happened in the history of the orphanage in a foster family, which took place in 2001. The boy was taken at the age of 9 months. And until he became a schoolboy, everything was perfect. But at school age, the boy began to bully and refused to study. When he turned 14, a series of conflicts erupted. And his parents, after consulting with a psychologist, told him that he was adopted. The boy took everything violently, refused to believe it, and promised to prove through a DNA test that he was native. He later stole money from his grandmother and spent it on fast food.
Total
As a result, the adults decided to return him to the orphanage. As the expert reasoned about this story, it was a mistake at such a turbulent age to tell the child that he was adopted. He believes that his parents never accepted the boy and only attributed his problems to the bad genes of someone else. But the fact is that there are a lot of very frightening cases of this kind.
Replace the deceased
The following story of the foster family is fraught with tragedy. A single mother lost her 8-year-old son in an accident. She later adopted a 3-year-old boy. Everything went well until he was 8. She took the clothes, toys of the once dead boy and gave them to her adopted son. In addition, she hung around the apartment a photo of the deceased baby.
But, in the end, the mother confessed that the step-mother was more and more reminiscent of his own, and the difference in attitude towards them frightened her. Everything in the adopted son was different - he did not look like the first baby. And she admitted that she was tempted to give him back to the orphanage.
But this foster family story has a happy ending. Turning to psychologists, the woman coped with this obsession. And again she created a family with a baby, being able to accept him with all his differences.
Disabled Companion
Disability of the child is a painful topic for parents. He can be wealthy, loved, happy. But parents are always worried about what will happen to him when they die. Who will replace his loved ones?
And sometimes they decide to take a child suffering from a similar disease. It looks like a very noble act. They already have the skills to handle such patients, and their child has a native face for life.
But otherwise this story of the foster family. And at one time, she shocked society very much. An employee of the orphanage took a boy and a girl - so that once they became companions for her daughter, suffering from Down syndrome. The foster boy and girl were slightly older than her. At first they got along, and then adopted children, as teenagers, fell in love and did not pay attention to a girl with Down syndrome. Mother did not know what to do, a conflict arose, and she returned to the orphanage first a boy, and then a girl.
Analyzing this story of the foster family, the specialist notes that people taken from the orphanage also require care and attention. And they are not obliged to fulfill then "debt". This is sometimes forgotten by people adopting them.
Output
When a disabled person is born, it is difficult for him to adapt in society. Understanding this, parents very often take someone from the orphanage. There are many stories with a successful outcome. As a result, the blood child receives a brother or sister, and the adoptive acquires a family. The most important thing in this case is to perceive adopted children not as servants, but as equals. And then the outcome will most likely be favorable.
Features
A foster family exists on the basis of a written agreement. It is concluded at the request of those who want to take the child to their family. Its parties are guardianship authorities and adoptive parents. The latter are called parents - educators. Their work is paid taking into account the number of children taken. A separate fee is provided for the disabled, sick persons.
In addition, pupils in such families are given monthly money from the local government budget in accordance with regional prices. This is done to ensure their content.
All sorts of benefits are also provided for such families. The decision on their introduction is made by local authorities.
According to the law, it is forbidden to take more than eight people into a family, since it is believed that otherwise there will not be enough time to raise all the children. In addition, children must not be taken by minors, persons without legal capacity or persons with limited legal capacity. It is forbidden to bring up children to those who have been deprived of parental rights by the court or have been limited in them. You cannot do this for those who have adopted children before, but the court has banned it by its decision. There is a list of diseases with which it is also impossible to become adoptive parents.
Staging
In total, adaptation in a foster family is divided into three stages. First, any person experiences "idealized expectations" - both sides have them. They strive to please each other. A month later, this desire is destroyed on the rocks of reality. The crisis begins - the child is accustomed to the old environment, but not yet to the new one. An unusual system provokes his protest, then the stage of installation conflicts begins, and this is a natural moment.
Installation conflict
Next comes the “Adaptation” stage. Conflicts at this time are becoming more frequent. And after catharsis they happen less and less and only for significant reasons. Then the boundaries between people line up, they get used to the needs and characteristics of each other. In addition, family members become attached to each other precisely at this stage.
Sometimes outbreaks of negative emotions occur. And this is due to several reasons. If a child has lost a family, he is afraid to survive it again. And then he himself provokes the parents to break. He is attached, and at the same time rejects them. He is trying to keep warm feelings under control, as he realizes that parents are capable of abusing power.
In addition, this may be due to the loss of their own family - children can miss her. Also, their behavior is able to express habits acquired in the old environment. Thus, the child can check the boundaries of acceptable behavior.
There are many reasons to behave badly. And this creates an additional burden on the adaptation of the foster family. For this reason, parents need not focus on quick results, but pay attention to changes for the better. It is worth asking for help from social assistants, not being afraid to show their incompetence.
During a conflict of conflict, adults begin to understand children more deeply and become more self-confident. Children at the same time learn to cherish their parents, stop thinking about leaving, are filled with trust in them. So contact arises between them, warm feelings appear in the course of solving problems. This stage lasts longer than six months. And it is in her that deep feelings are established.
