Life is so fleeting and unpredictable that it can end at the most unexpected moment. Even if the tragedy happened with a distant relative or unfamiliar person, the news of death literally shocked. To express condolences to relatives is the right decision in this situation. Thus, you show sympathy, offer to share the loss. All words of empathy must come from a pure heart, spoken at the right time. How to answer condolences is an equally important question. We consider in more detail all the nuances.
Etiquette of mourning
If there is a big loss in your family, then there comes a time of not only grief, but also worries. Immediately you need to inform all relatives and friends about the loss. This is not easy, but it needs to be done.
Mourning etiquette involves notifying all your friends, even if they are far away. Even in the case of personal antipathy to some friends of the deceased. There are a lot of notification options: messages by e-mail or by phone, personal call, meeting. Be sure to notify the place and time of the funeral in the notification. Do not forget to leave your contact details for more information.
Paradoxical as it may seem, but if you have grief, you will have to do many things at once: run around the funeral services bureau, arrange transportation and communicate with a lot of people. There is nothing to be done, you need to gather your will into a fist. The best thing you should do at this moment is to take the person close to you on the last journey with dignity.
Be prepared for people to come that you did not even know. In any case, they will express your sympathy. How to respond to condolences? How to react?
How to condole?
During a meeting with people who are in mourning, many of us are lost and do not know what and how to speak on such a sad occasion. To express condolences in the form of “hold on” is a little silly. How can one stay in this situation?
It is difficult to express condolences when you did not know the deceased at all or you remembered him not quite from the good side during his lifetime. Mourning can be with a colleague who is methyl in your place or with a neighbor who used to love to turn on music for the whole. Nevertheless, one cannot remain indifferent to the grief of a stranger. Perhaps this difficult situation will cause a person to treat you differently.
In oral form
Most often, condolences to relatives are expressed in person by words or by telephone. The first option is most preferable. The second option is resorted to only if you need to show empathy to a person who lives in another city.
Oral condolences are manifested during the memorial meal and in speech at the funeral.
What needs to be answered for condolences is discussed in the following sections.
In a written form
When writing in a letter of words of sympathy, you must adhere to brevity. Poems will be appropriate for an obituary or for a ribbon on a wreath. In this case, there will be a share of pathos. Excessive pathetics in words of condolences is useless. Therefore, 2-3 sentences will be enough. The main thing is brief and concise.
You can use these phrases:
- “(Name) was kind and helpful. I grieve and remember with you. "
- “It is very sad that so significant and dear to us people are leaving us. Accept my sincere condolences. "
- “With the departure of (name) we lost a lot, if not all. We will miss his approving glance, smile. ”
- “This loss is irreparable. I offer my sincere condolences to your family. ”
- "Lord, rest his soul."
- “Let's pray together, mourn with your family.”
- “No matter how many years a person has lived, the important thing is what kind of memory he left behind. He brought each of us a lot of good. May the Lord reward him for his good deeds. ”
- “With his (her) departure (name) we felt how much he (a) loved us, and we his (her). He (a) will always live next to us, in our hearts."
The submission of words of grief is allowed in the following forms:
- E-mail or postcard by mail - usually those who resort to such an option are those who want to express sympathy for the death of a loved one to people living abroad.
- The inscription on the mourning ribbon is an invariable attribute of a ritual wreath or basket.
- An obituary in a newspaper can be used if you know for sure that the publication is read by the relatives of the deceased.
- SMS - it is better to refuse this option. The exception is those cases if the subscriber is out of the network for a long time.
Words of mourning should be sincere and not contain high pathetic. First of all, you express condolences to your relatives, and not talk about your personal feelings. If it’s difficult for you to find the words, say it succinctly and concisely. Be sure to consider the relationship in life between the grieving and the dead. The son’s phrase will be strange: “Good memories are what will help you survive the loss, ” if he had a bad relationship with his mother during his life.
But how to answer condolences correctly? This is worth telling separately.
How to respond to condolences over death?
Oddly enough, but specific rules do not exist. It is usually more difficult to select words for someone who expresses condolences, but does not answer them.
What is the answer to condolences? Of course, you can just say thank you. However, if you think this word is inappropriate in relation to this situation, then you can just keep silent. Many simply annoy constantly “save” in response. No one will blame you for your silence.
What to answer with condolences? You can say: “I am grateful (a) to you for your support”, “You are very attentive”, “I try not to lose heart, thanks to your support it is a little easier for me”. Or you can just confine yourself to one look, a nod or a hug. How to properly respond to condolences, you choose yourself, based on your mood.
Each of us has different characters and type of temperament. Many people want to spend this difficult moment alone, close themselves off from everyone and not talk to anyone. If you belong to this category of people, then do not be shy about your condition. This is normal.
You should not listen to the lamentations of a distant relative who saw only a couple of times during the life of the deceased. Accept her words of condolences and retire. If she is outraged by your behavior, that's okay. It is better to later explain her condition and unwillingness to communicate with anyone at such moments.
What can not be said on the occasion of death?
There are taboo phrases in mourning etiquette. They are not advisable to pronounce while expressing sympathy for the death of a loved one.
Often people pronounce these phrases in order to encourage the relatives of the deceased. As a result, the opposite happens.
- “Someday everything will be fine. Time will cure everything. ” It would seem that in this phrase is terrible? However, when a person experiences great sorrow, he is not able to think about his future. Such phrases are simply annoying. And you can hear rudeness in response.
- "It was necessary to do the operation." The sentences with the prefix “if, yes, if only …” simulate the situation of the past. Nobody will be able to change something or return a person. Such phrases immediately cause anger.
- "No need to cry, grief with tears can not help." A strong internal loss is immediately visible from the outside. Tears cannot be hidden in such a situation. They say that when a person cries, it becomes easier for him. Together with tears, the pain becomes quieter. And you can’t restrain your pain internally, it can cause even greater depression.
- “Maybe it's for the best. He suffered in recent months. ” Death is not the best way out of even the most serious illness.
- “He will pay for everything. If he did not smoke while driving, (name) would be alive. ” You cannot look for the extreme in this situation.
- “God better know who and when to call for himself. This is because of his sins during his lifetime. " If the family of the deceased is not pious, then such a phrase is a strong obstacle to sincere prayers for the soul of the deceased.
What is customary to answer condolences in the form of phrases-taboos. It’s better to keep silent. So, nobody will see your emotional indignation with aggression.
If you came to a funeral, what should I do?
The answer to receiving news of the death of a loved one is a visit to a funeral.
Some rules dictated by mourning etiquette:
- No need to dress catchy and bright. Dark muted colors will be appropriate. Women should be dressed in floor-length skirts and men in suits.
- Take napkins or a scarf with you. When feelings overpower you, so that you can wipe away the tears. Perhaps some of those present will also need them.
- Leave large bulk bags and large accessories at home.
- If you are talking to someone, then quietly, barely in a whisper.
- Do not follow the coffin. Relatives should go ahead.
Be sure to go to the relatives of the deceased, express your words of sympathy:
- “It’s very difficult for me to find suitable comforting words, but I sincerely sympathize with your grief.”
- "We are shocked by what happened, accept our condolences."
If you are unable to come to the funeral in person, be sure to call relatives after some time. From the outside, this will not seem like a late reaction. If you called, then you remember and grieve with them.
Famous words of sorrow
Here are examples of phrases for expressing sympathy for the loss of a loved one:
- “We are shocked by the sad news. Brace yourself. ”
- “My heart is not in place from what I heard. Let him rest in peace. ”
- “We do not believe that such a person left us. For all of us, this is an irreparable loss. ”
- “Loss is always hard to bear. We sympathize with your grief and empathize. ”
- “We with the deceased did not always know how to find a common language. Now I want to apologize for the disagreement. After all, I, too, are not always right. ”
- "How can I help you? I sincerely empathize with your family. ”
- “It's hard to talk about such a loss. I hope that in heaven he will find peace. "
- “I find it difficult to select the right words now. Remember that you can always turn to me for help. ”
What to answer condolences about death? Sometimes an understanding look from you, sincere hugs, is enough if you do not want to say a word of gratitude in response.
Funeral meal
A memorial meal usually begins immediately after the funeral. Pancakes and kuti (dishes with wheat, raisins and nuts) are usually served at the wake.
Those who wish say memorial words about the dead. It’s not customary to say bad things. In this case, it is better to remain silent. The performance should consist of the following stages:
- give a speech while standing;
- address those present: “Friends”, “Dear relatives” (usually called by family name);
- Introduce yourself and name how you know the deceased;
- remember his positive qualities;
- you might want to talk about an interesting case from a person who has died. Sometimes people read their author’s poems dedicated to the deceased.
The main thing is not to delay. Speech should be concise and concise. Conclude that the deceased lived his life not in vain. Again, bring your words of condolences to those close to you and pass the word on to another who wishes.
