"Ah, what bliss - to know that I am perfection, to know that I am ideal" - remember? But if it was a pleasure for the beautiful nanny Mary Poppins, then many of those who felt that perfectionism was completely unable to enjoy it. In general terms, this phenomenon can be defined as the desire to achieve unrealistic, extremely high demands on oneself, which in case of failure can lead to a decrease in self-esteem.
Psychologists, trying to answer the question of what is perfectionism, often consider it as a key success factor, which often, however, becomes the cause of emotional distress and nervous breakdowns.
Predisposition plays a huge role. Perfectionists first of all become children of the same parents striving for excellence. In addition, those who do not receive love unconditionally from their parents are constantly forced to deserve it.
The desire to be the best in everything you do causes constant dissatisfaction with the results. Perfectionists from childhood learn that they are evaluated only on the basis of what they have achieved. Belief in this leads to a constant search for the approval of others through the achievement of hard-to-reach goals. Their self-esteem does not come from within. Thus, they are extremely vulnerable to all forms of criticism, because they want, above all, to be loved and accepted.
So what is perfectionism? In a simpler, primitive form, this property manifests itself already in childhood in the desire to have "the most beautiful, newest, most sophisticated" things that classmates envy. And, alas, too often, such desires are stimulated by parents. Rooting deeper, such a personality traits develops into the desire to be the first, the best in everything.
Later, the answer to the question of what perfectionism is, seeks to embrace the immensity, for example, to become the "ideal mother" who successfully makes a career and at the same time takes care of children and husband, drags the whole household. The forms of striving for the ideal can be very diverse: from the desire to drive the coolest foreign car to the relentless struggle for the titles of "best manager" and the like.
Perfectionists are very demanding both to their children and partners. These features make their character difficult to create harmonious relationships. How to get rid of it? Perhaps the realization of the problem alone will not be enough; you will have to resort to the help of a psychotherapist. In order to determine the severity of the situation, special tests are used, for example, the “multidimensional scale of perfectionism”. According to this technique, the levels of anxiety, anxiety, attitude to criticism, doubts in making decisions are revealed.
Diagnosis: perfectionism. How to get rid of this condition?
First, try to set goals according to your needs, think what you want and do not follow what others expect from you.
Secondly, set the next goal only after reaching the previous one. The method of small steps in this case works.
Thirdly, try to lower your standards: instead of doing this work 100%, try to do something 80 or even 70%. This will help you understand that a worse job does not mean the end of the world and does not worsen your position in the eyes of others. Focus on the here and now, don't get ahead of yourself.
