Many young girls, having found the coveted husband, end up in hell. They now and then share with their girlfriends, sometimes far-fetched, experiences. “Mother-in-law is a natural witch, spoils everything!” or “It’s not living!” they say. Is it so? Is it possible to fix an important women's issue? And is it worth it to try? Let's get it right.
Right attitude
You know, it’s important to lay the first brick of relations so that then the “wall” does not squint and does not fall on your head with scandals and insults. You understand that the mother-in-law is the beloved mother of your adorable spouse? Be that as it may, whatever situations arise, but you must always remember that she is a native person. Think, because it was she who sat at night in the cradle, cared for and looked after this little boy who now gives you so much happiness. The mother-in-law is exactly that woman who has invested in your beloved not only the warmth of her heart, but also strength and health. She nurtured and nurtured him, educated him to be your support and support. Everything that you love in your husband did not arise “from nature”. For many years, hour after hour, this woman, with her thoughts and words, shaped the character of her beloved: for you - a spouse, for her - a son. Is it possible to forget about this? The mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law can hardly quarrel, if you look at the question globally, mother and wife are the most beloved and revered women for men. Is it worth the empty contention, often built on frivolous egoism, to tear his soul, to force to choose? After all, both of you love him, wish you happiness.
How to understand her?
Unfortunately, the above considerations do not help to solve a simple but extremely important practical issue. No matter how much you talk about universal love, you will certainly come across an indisputable fact: a mother-in-law is a woman who has both advantages and disadvantages. But even this is not the most important thing. Angels are known to live in heaven. Here, all people are ordinary. The mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law are not very different from each other in terms of the “level of holiness”. She just thinks and thinks differently than you are used to. Sometimes it is simply impossible to delve into the logic of her actions. They seem to be hateful, or at least unfriendly. In this case, it is recommended to set aside emotions for a while and reason. Imagine that the husband and mother-in-law lived for many years "in their own autonomous space." No one bothered them, did not intervene. And now you have appeared! For him, this is a natural process. He chose you. And how should she relate to such, albeit logical, “aggression”? After all, you “without demand” broke into her world, violating its established order. How do you feel about this?
Is a wiser senior?
Faced with the first misunderstanding, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are trying to prove "who is more important." That is, they sink to the usual rivalry for the heart and thoughts of a dear person, sometimes without thinking about what intolerable position they put him. Well, this is likely, moreover, often happens. It is necessary not to let things go by themselves, "to seize the moment." This, whatever one may say, is the task of a younger woman. Why? Yes, if only because you broke into her world. She does not have to open it for you. If you understand that you need to step aside, “step aside” on time, and reaching out your hand is more important than proving your indispensability, then you will find a sincere friend. You are not trying to prove to yourself and others that your adorable spouse was raised by a neurotic with dictatorial inclinations? How could such a witch raise such a tender, loving, caring person? That is the whole point. The mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law are very strongly connected, although they do not always feel it. They are the keepers of the peace of the soul of a person adored by both. Whoever understands this first is wiser.
About jealousy
There is another problem, which is sometimes explained by the inability to establish relationships in the family. This is jealousy. A woman who has put all her soul into her son cannot immediately abandon the “right to him”. She does not want to reckon (in the worst case) with the fact that he had his own life. This does not speak of her selfishness or other moral vice. It is so natural that it is not even immediately recognized by a woman. Not everyone analyzes their hidden feelings, perceived as a general background. You still need to get to the bottom of them. The help of loving people is needed here. After all, your husband’s mom isn’t exactly the “monster”? If you gently push her in the right direction, then she herself realizes that her offspring has more will, her own space. Just imagine, the bride and mother-in-law (future) meet for the first time. What does everyone feel, what are they thinking? Often, mom gives in to the first assessment. “This little turtle will twirl my son ?!” she thinks. According to statistics, the first impression of the girl’s son is negative. It's nothing you can do. This is not a bad bride, this is mom’s love for her son is great. She wants a “perfect” woman for him.
How to cope with jealousy
But this is a matter of your upbringing, patience and tact. Do you know why this “black” jealousy of the mother-in-law can disrupt marital relations? Because the young one is not self-confident! If you sincerely believe in the love of your beloved, then nothing will prevent you from being happy. And when you experience discomfort, you yourself open the door to problems. The second - do not brush off the mother-in-law. She herself will not "resolve." You don’t need to think like that. On the contrary! It is advisable to show attention and tact in your personal contacts. Seeing your sincere interest in your person, a woman will gradually change the first impression. You see, the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law will be the best friends, even without expecting it. It is only necessary to take a step towards. Yes, and after a while you yourself may find yourself in a similar situation. And do not say that you will love any daughter-in-law! Generations are changing, families are being created, and the problem is inherited. She has one solution - to treat each other with love and understanding.
Everything depends on the man (or almost)
In establishing a relationship with the mother-in-law, it is desirable to include a spouse. Why ask? Yes, as that “glue” that can perform a miracle and recreate a long-broken cup. Just don’t ask to “talk to mom”. Will not help. But to arrange a common holiday, a discussion of burning issues without it will not work. After all, life consists of trifles. Tea Party Today. Tomorrow is some perfume advice, then ask for a cake recipe. These steps are used to build well-being. If you also connect your beloved man, then everything will be arranged faster. You see, you need to put on the warmth and affection that “flows” between the husband and you, him and the mother-in-law. Over time, this cloud will grow to include all aspects of the relationship.
A fairy tale for an objective view of things
Someone will say that the legend of King Solomon is not entirely appropriate. However, the meaning in it is such that it should always be remembered and put into practice. Remember how two women turned to him, each of whom defended their rights to a child? What did he reply? He decided to physically divide it into two. Naturally, the real mother immediately lost. The plot sometimes resembles what two angry ladies do with their beloved man. Only not one lacks the mind to be a "real mother." Is it worth it to stoop? You always need to remember that you are not just fighting with the mother-in-law, he is walking on the field of the soul of a living person who is dear to you (like her).
We expand the circle of communication
Well, what did we concentrate only on the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law? After all, there are still people in the family. One person can serve as a "trigger", that is, a catalyst for solving the problem. If the husband, wife and mother-in-law cannot find a common language, then it is time to seek help. Just don’t rush to run to the psychologists. There are people whose soul is ready to provide a sea of medicine, more useful than official talks and pills. This is your mom! Well, who else can understand the problem so well as the woman who nurtured and cherished you! The recommendation is simple: let the mother-in-law and the mother-in-law together carry out some “serious task”. So experts advise. Two ladies may not get along if they just have to communicate. And when they face a common (affecting both) task - then beware. Tear anyone who stands across!
When the marriage broke up
You know, divorces are now commonplace, you won’t surprise anyone. But if you managed to give birth to children, then the husband leaves, and his mother remains in your life. You will not begin to deprive your child of a loving grandmother? Yes, and the former mother-in-law will not allow you to. She can hate or tolerate you, but the kids will adore. One who has faced a similar situation says that the grandmother becomes different. For the sake of her grandchildren, she is ready to forgive much to her ex-daughter-in-law, to understand and not notice. Just do not recoup on an unhappy woman. There are times when a divorced spouse tries to blame the former relative for her failure. You can’t fix anything, but to deprive your children of another loving person is easy. But why do this?
Difficult situations
Fortunately, not every woman has two mother-in-law. And they don’t cause any particular problems. Either they’ve filled up with the first “cones” and then they are already trying to build relationships more correctly, or it’s easier to relate to this. But there are also such options when mother-in-law begin to quarrel among themselves, proving whose son, for example, is cooler, that is, “the best husband”. What is such a "rich" daughter-in-law to do? Recommendations of specialists are reduced to the word "nothing." Let them “fight” among themselves, maybe they are bored, and not only watch TV shows, but also lead an active life! Let women have fun. Your main task: do not get involved. This is not an ostrich tactic at all. On the contrary. This is wise behavior: letting others be what they are.
