The Institute of Cognitive Neurology (UK) has proven that the human brain is more likely to receive gratitude from those we give. But to admit that by our actions or deeds we bring suffering to someone is more difficult for us. A person needs more time to realize this. In a romantic relationship, the price of resentment and loss of trust can be too expensive, so every girl should know how to ask forgiveness from her beloved guy. This article is devoted to the basic rules of this.
Confession of guilt and shame
Quarrels are a natural phenomenon. But in a love relationship, there is no winner. In an effort to prove his point at all costs, the partner often demonstrates his sense of superiority, destroying the previously built world of tenderness and trust. And then she is tormented with pride, believing that the weaker side comes first to reconciliation. And instead of asking forgiveness from the beloved in their own words, girls often move towards the destruction of relations, without realizing it. Psychologists come to the rescue, who give two important tips:
- Distinguish between self-esteem and a request for forgiveness for a specific offense.
- Guilty plea is the destiny of a mature person who can draw mistakes from life experience.
Often partners talk about a sense of shame that arises on the eve of an upcoming conversation after causing resentment. It is connected with the fact that, deep down in the soul, a person condemns his actions, wants, but cannot return everything back to correct the situation or to choose other words. Therefore, the first step towards asking for forgiveness from a loved one in your own words should be to accept what happened.
Don't be stuck in the past. The main thing that the girl has to do is to forgive herself, stop self-flagellation and focus on how to fix the situation.
The choice of time and place for apology
Recognition of guilt includes two aspects:
- understanding that the partner is suffering, feeling offended;
- the realization that the cause of negative emotions is our specific words or actions.
If a girl values her relationship, an apology made immediately after the incident as soon as she realizes her responsibility for the incident is considered ideal. The less time has passed, the greater the likelihood of maintaining confidential communication.
Psychologists believe that the permissible period for guilty plea and subsequent actions is 24 hours. There is an opportunity to restore the lost connection, if you ask for forgiveness from your beloved in your own words for three days. But we must remember that with every hour the zone of "alienation" is growing, and it is quite possible that the old relationship can no longer be saved. Sooner or later, apologies to the partner will be important only as a pure formality.
Is an apology important if time has passed after a fight? Only one thing is clear: an apology must be brought in person. Only with a range of distance communication by telephone is permissible. The partner should feel sincerity and understand that the girl really understands what hurt the feelings of a man. Therefore, eye-to-eye eye contact and the concreteness of phrases are important. That is why the article constantly emphasizes that apologies are made in your own words. Esameska or emoticon will allow in some cases to continue communication, but it will never be the same.
Example: how to apologize to a loved one if time is lost
Should I despair if guilt came to the girl too late? Can I try to fix the situation? When we talk about the struggle for love, we mean precisely such moments, rather than clarifying relations with a rival and exerting pressure on the partner himself, conspiracies, etc. But in this situation, you must be prepared for any reaction of the partner and respect his decision.
The first step is to arrange a meeting. No matter how hard it is to decide, the most optimal is a phone call. Refusal to meet is already the result. If the man agrees, you should hurry up using your chance. What should you arm yourself with? Here you need to use your entire arsenal:
- Sincerity in words and understanding that you understand the partner’s experiences and the fact that your words or actions were to blame. Do not immediately go to the hug. Body contact can provoke intimacy, but will not restore confidence.
- Confession in feelings. If a man accepts an apology, but remains cold, it is possible to tell him those words that had never been uttered out loud: "Forgive me, beloved." Anyone’s heart will tremble after them, if the relationship is still important for him.
- The words are reinforced with a present that will be pleasant to the man: favorite sweets, a keychain with his zodiac sign, a gift certificate for fulfilling an old dream, football tickets.
- An unexpected act breaking the old stereotypes of communication. For example, come in their favorite dress, dressing gown or even a bikini. Dramatically change the hairstyle. Or on the asphalt under the window, lay out the words of forgiveness from the pebbles.
Tips from G. Champen
Sometimes a girl has only one chance, therefore a competent choice of words is important, creating the right message to the partner. The advice of the American philosopher G. Champen, co-author of the famous book on the five languages of forgiveness, comes to the rescue. We will present them in the form of five options:
- Use at the beginning of the phrase the phrase: "I'm sorry that …". This is the best way to convey regret, which confirms the sincere desire to return to the old relationship.
- Admit that you were not right in any given situation. There is a readiness to be responsible for one’s actions.
- Offer your partner a question-reflection: "How can I make amends for my guilt (awkwardness)?" This reveals a sincere desire to correct the oversight.
- Let the man know that you are repenting. You can ask your beloved forgiveness in your own words using the phrase: "I am ready for anything so that this never happens again."
- Only a strong personality is able to openly address a man with the words: "Please forgive me for …". But this shows a desire to get the main thing - confirmation of the feelings of a partner. And not only. This phrase also sounds its own declaration of love.
