At a meeting, it is customary to shake hands. This shows openness, cordiality, readiness for further contact. But even with a handshake, people who consider themselves well-mannered adhere to certain rules regarding the question of who first shakes hands with a greeting. What does etiquette prescribe?
Why is it customary to reach out at a meeting?
The custom of shaking hands at a meeting came to us from ancient times. Moreover, in each period of time various values were attributed to this gesture. There is a hypothesis that in primitive tribes the men shaking hands was a kind of test of strength: whoever shakes hands harder is stronger. With such a short duel, each meeting began. In some other tribes, the man’s willingness to lend a hand showed the purity of his intentions: a hand is extended, a palm is open, there is no weapon in it, which means that this person does not need to be afraid.
In ancient Rome, people were good at cunning, and an outstretched hand did not always mean friendliness. Warriors learned to hide a small dagger in their sleeves, and with a usual handshake they could not be noticed. Therefore, the descriptions mention the custom of shaking the wrist, not the palm. At first, this was done for security purposes, then it became a tradition: when a man met, holding his hands at the level of the lower back, they wrung their wrists together.
But in Japan, the samurai shook hands before the fight, and this gesture told the enemy: "Get ready for death."
The importance of handshaking these days
In those days, people did not attach importance to the one who first should give a hand. The generally accepted and regulated rules of etiquette shaking hands became only in the 19th century. Only men could give hands to each other, for women this gesture was not peculiar and was considered tactless. Later, shaking hands became popular in business circles: they sealed transactions, showed disposition for further communication. Nowadays there is nothing wrong with shaking hands with a lady, especially if this happens in a business setting.
The custom of shaking hands at a meeting is more common in Europe and America. In Asia, he is less popular: there is a sign of respect is a bow or a certain folding of hands. But in Asian business circles, shaking hands is also appropriate.
Rules of politeness when meeting
In most cases, a person cannot introduce himself: he must be introduced. A man is supposed to represent a woman. Those who are younger in age - persons who are older. A person occupying a higher position in society is represented as one who is at a lower level. This is considered an indicator of good breeding. If you want to introduce your family to colleagues or friends, they call them the spouse and children, and when they meet their parents they introduce friends or colleagues as a sign of respect for older age. Who is the first to give a hand when meeting? It is the person who represents others, regardless of gender and age.
Can I introduce myself?
Are there situations where it is appropriate for a person to introduce himself to strangers? Yes, it is possible, for example, at a business dinner, banquet, party with the aim of establishing business relations. In this case, it is permissible to approach the person of interest, to introduce oneself, to name the field of activity and the company, and to extend a business card.
If you need to introduce yourself to a woman who is in the company of a man, you should first meet her gentleman and then only be introduced to the lady.
Acquaintance is not only a handshake. A good-natured, disposable smile and a direct look in the face of the interlocutor are very important. Looking away during dating is considered bad form.
Somewhat "impossible", or How not to pass for ignoramuses
Yes, ignorance of these seemingly trifles can expose a man of ignorance in a matter of seconds. So, when meeting and at any meeting, according to the generally accepted rules of courtesy, you should not:
- do not shake outstretched hand (this can be perceived as the deepest insult);
- giving the hand, keep the other in your pocket;
- hold a cigarette in your hand (generally it is undesirable to hold anything in your hands, especially when shaking hands);
- leave a gloved hand, greeting the lady (a woman can leave a glove if it is part of the toilet; a glove, but not a mitt!);
- look around, on the floor or up, show indifference;
- when meeting a group of people, give a hand only to one of them;
- remain sitting when meeting a lady or an older person, especially if they are standing;
- not to know the simple rules of who first gives the hand for a handshake.
Greeting at an unexpected meeting
Almost every hour we greet someone: neighbors on the stairwell, a saleswoman who we buy coffee every morning, colleagues, close or barely familiar people, relatives … Who is the first to give a hand when greeting? How not to put yourself or your interlocutor in an awkward position? Consider a few cases.
If friends met on the street or in a public place, do not express your emotions too violently and attract the attention of others. Seeing a familiar person in the distance, you can limit yourself to a nod or a wave of the hand. If the distance allows, a handshake and a short exchange of phrases are appropriate (do not start a long conversation, because a person can rush somewhere). Who is the first to give a hand at a meeting? Etiquette prescribes this initiative to someone who is older in age or occupies a more important social position.
In an unexpected meeting with a loved one, short hugs, pats are appropriate, in some countries even kisses on the cheek or a gesture "cheek to cheek". But if you have met a business partner, a person older than you or a distant acquaintance, such manifestations of emotions can be regarded as familiarity.
Can a woman give a hand first?
Who is the first to give a hand, man or woman? Only a lady can give a hand for a handshake. A man is supposed to either shake an outstretched hand, or bring it to his lips for a kiss. In past centuries, it was only permissible to kiss the hand of a married lady, but in modern rules there are no such restrictions.
Greetings from a barely familiar person
Do you need to greet barely familiar people? Yes! Even if you don’t remember the name of this person or cannot remember where you saw his face, it’s better to be polite and say hello. Of course, in this case, it is enough to say a greeting, nod or raise your hat. Violent manifestations of joy will look unnatural, and therefore completely unnecessary.
Greetings at a scheduled meeting
Suppose we are talking about meeting friends at a party, in a restaurant, at a social gathering, in a theater, in any public place. This is not an accidental meeting on the run, and going to an event, a person knows who he will meet there. How to behave and who is the first to give a hand at a meeting? In this case, the first one is supposed to come and say hello to someone who is younger or occupies a lesser position. But when it comes to who is the first to give a hand - senior or junior - then this initiative takes one who is older.
Visiting welcome rules
When you come to visit, you must definitely say hello to the owner of the house and the guests present. The owner should shake hands, and when greeting others, you can restrict yourself to a bow and welcome phrases. It is more appropriate for the mistress to kiss her hand.
When meeting with a group of people it is not necessary to shake hands with everyone, a general bow is enough. But if you shook hands with one of these people, you should shake everyone else. Who is the first to give a hand when greeting in this case? One who comes to the group. Before shaking hands, gloves should be removed, as well as a hat.
If you have to say hello to people sitting at the table, a sign of bad manners is considered to be reaching out across the table. It is more polite to limit yourself to a verbal greeting or a slight bow.
In a situation where people greeting each other have a noticeable difference in age, the question often arises: who is the first to give a hand - senior or younger? Etiquette rules state that only the oldest in age can show the handshake initiative. The same rule applies to people who are at different steps of the career ladder: the one who is higher in rank holds out his hand.
Business welcome rules
Business courtesy rules follow the same principles. Greetings first relies on someone below the rank. If a person enters a room where a group of people is already located, then the person entering greets first - regardless of position or age.
Who is the first to give a hand when greeting during a business conversation? In the reverse order, from top to bottom. We must not forget the general rule: shaking the hands of one person involves the same gesture in relation to other persons. Otherwise, it should be limited to polite words and a general nod of the head.
In the case when the subordinate enters the office of the boss, the latter may not interrupt his affairs or conversation, but according to the rules of courtesy, he should greet the person who entered with words or at least a gesture. In the opposite situation, when the boss enters the subordinate, he is supposed to interrupt the conversation or business (if any, and this will not be incorrect in relation to the third party) and pay attention to the leader.
