Features inherent in a person in his speech and writing to other people, in many respects characterize the general culture of this person. They are closely connected with the image that he creates in the eyes of others, and therefore affect their attitude towards him. Therefore, one of the most important issues is the ability to correctly use the pronouns “you” and “you” in a conversation with various interlocutors and in the preparation of letters and other documents.
The first "registry" of polite words and phrases
It is known that in Russia, for the first time, polite forms of treatment were set forth in a kind of textbook that appeared in 1717. This book, which was compiled with the personal participation of Peter I, was called “Youth an honest mirror, or Indications for everyday circumvention” and was intended mainly for young Russians.
Around the same period, the sovereign, who instilled a European form of behavior in the country, introduced the appeal to "you", borrowed from a number of foreign languages. In the past, in the plural they turned to a person only if they wanted to give words a special meaning. Saying "you", as if implied that this person alone is worth many. Such treatment contained a special courtesy.
In 1722, Peter I was the “Table of Ranks” ─ a document determining the conformity of military, civilian and court ranks, dividing them into 14 classes. In it, among other things, it was indicated how to contact the chief of one or another rank. The forms were different, and depended on his position on the career ladder, but in all cases, plural treatment was required, for example, “Your Excellency” or “Your Grace”.
"Distorted politeness"
It is interesting to note that the appeal to the “you” that is so familiar to us today is rooted in the Russian language, overcoming the resistance that sometimes came from representatives of the most progressive circles of the domestic intelligentsia. To verify this, it is enough to open the explanatory dictionary of V.I. Dahl, compiled in the middle of the XIX century. In it, an outstanding Russian writer and lexicographer characterizes the appeal to “you” as a distorted form of politeness.
Moreover, in one of his articles he criticizes those teachers who consider it appropriate and even necessary to tell their students “you” instead of forcing them to turn to “you” to themselves. Now this position can only cause a smile, but a century and a half ago, it found numerous supporters.
Politics Invading Everyday Lexicon
Shortly after the February Revolution, the estates and ranks were abolished by a decree of the Provisional Government. Gone are the past and previously established forms of appeal to their representatives. Together with them, the old words “sir” and “madam” also became obsolete, giving way after the October revolution to the place generally accepted in Soviet times as “citizen”, “citizen” or asexual ─ “comrade”, addressed to both men and women. However, the appeal to “you” has survived, becoming one of the basic rules of modern speech etiquette.
In what cases is it customary, speaking to the interlocutor, to say “you”?
According to generally accepted norms of behavior, this is done primarily in official situations: at work, in various institutions and public places. At the same time, saying “you” is appropriate in the following situations:
- When a dialogue is conducted with a stranger or a complete stranger.
- If the interlocutors are familiar, but are in official relations, for example, work colleagues, students and teachers, subordinates and their superiors.
- In cases where you have to turn to a person older in age or holding a managerial position.
- And finally, to officials, as well as service personnel of shops, restaurants, hotels and other institutions of this kind.
It should always be remembered that referring to “you” to a stranger is the norm established by elementary rules of behavior.
In what cases is the appeal to "you" allowed?
In certain, mainly informal situations, the rules of speech etiquette allow appeal to the "you". It is appropriate both at work when communicating with colleagues outside the sphere of performance, and at home or on vacation. This form of appeal can serve as an expression of friendly relations between the interlocutors, and emphasize the informal nature of this conversation. However, in order not to get into an awkward position, it should be borne in mind that saying "you" is permissible only:
- A close acquaintance of a person with whom I had to communicate earlier, and, relations with which, allow me to neglect more stringent official requirements in circulation.
- Adults in conversation with children or adolescents.
- In an informal setting to a junior or equal in official position.
- In conversations between children and parents, modern tradition allows the use of "you" by one or the other side.
- In the youth and children's environment between peers, even if they are not familiar with each other.
According to the generally accepted rules of speech etiquette, it is absolutely unacceptable to call a younger person (both by age and social or official position) to the older person. In addition, a sign of bad manners and bad taste is the manner of saying “you” to employees from among the staff of institutions.
The nuances of communication between managers and their employees
An important component of the rules of behavior in society is the regulation of the use of "you" and "you" in the appeal of the boss to his subordinate. Without going beyond the bounds of decency, the head can say to his employee “you” only if he has the opportunity to answer him in the same way. This usually happens when an informal relationship is established between them. Otherwise, the appeal to the subordinate to “you” will be a gross violation of speech etiquette.
Establishment of an informal form of appeal
The generally accepted standards of decency meanwhile, the transition of partners from "you" to "you". However, it is possible only in those cases when an appropriate type of relationship is established between them, which allows replacing a formal appeal with a warmer and friendlier one in a conversation. As a rule, this indicates that the previously neutral-restrained attitude towards each other gave way to a certain rapprochement.
It should be noted that generally accepted norms of behavior provide for a certain period of time for the appeal to “you” that was established at the time of meeting to give way to a more open and friendly “you”. Its duration completely depends on the personal qualities of the interlocutors and external circumstances.
It is important to subtly grasp the moment at which it is possible to invite the partner to switch to “you” in the conversation, since in the event of an error and his refusal, an awkward situation will inevitably arise. Therefore, to change the form of treatment, you need to feel the desire of your interlocutor. A one-sided transition in the conversation to “you” is absolutely unacceptable, since it will inevitably be regarded as disrespect for the partner and neglect shown towards him.
When the informal “you” gives way to a more rigorous “you”
The speech etiquette of the Russian language also provides for a transition from a friendly “you” to a more formal “you”, although this is not common in everyday life. Nevertheless, it is possible in those cases when relations between the interlocutors worsened and assumed a purely official character. This can happen as a result of a quarrel or some serious disagreement.
Sometimes the appeal to “you” may result from the fact that the conversation is official in nature and occurs in the presence of unauthorized persons, in which the interlocutors, who usually say “you” to each other, are forced to observe common etiquette. In this case, “you” addressed to each other does not indicate a change in interpersonal relations, but only about the characteristics of a particular situation. For example, teachers in the presence of students, as a rule, communicate with each other on “you”, although, being left alone, under appropriate conditions they can quite afford an informal “you”.
