Tact is the basis of communication between people. By asking the interlocutor various questions, we hope to get to know each other better, learn more about him, about his life and interests. But sometimes it happens that our questions are unpleasant or even offensive. Can this be avoided? Fortunately, yes. There are a few things that should not be asked, as they can cause the most negative reaction.
Kinship
Starting a conversation with strangers who came together, sometimes I really want to be Sherlock Holmes and amaze the interlocutors with my insight! Alas, statistics show that assumptions about family ties often turn out to be unfounded, and often are also regarded as an insulting hint.
Do not rush to ask questions such as:
- You are sisters?
- Is this your mom?
- You look so much like brothers?
“Mom” may well turn out to be a friend, it is not surprising that she will be offended by a hint of a non-existent age difference. After all, a woman will be unpleasant to hear that she looks older than her age.
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Confusion can occur if you assume a close relationship between people who are similar in appearance, who hate each other. In this case, you can be accused not only of tactlessness, but also of libel.
Once in an unfamiliar company, it is better to adhere to neutral questions so as not to be considered an ill-mannered person.
Romantic relationship
Talking about personal life is an integral part of almost any friendly party where everyone knows each other and is happy to wash the bones of the missing "soul mates." But in a large company, completely different unspoken rules of communication, questions about marriage or just about romantic relationships are considered bad form.
Unfamiliar people are better off not asking questions like:
- How long do you meet?
- Are you married?
- Is this your boyfriend?
And there are several reasons for this. Firstly, your interlocutors may just be friends who come to spend time together. It is possible that each of them has a spouse or loved one, the assumption of their romantic relationship will be, to put it mildly, unpleasant.
Secondly, on the contrary, one of the couple may secretly fall in love with their companion, confident in "just friendly" relations, your question will be not only awkward, but also painful.
Appearance Features
Long gone are the days when a person with an unusual hair color, scars or birthmarks in conspicuous places inevitably became the cause of ridicule. Nowadays, an unusual appearance is more a way of self-expression than a tragedy. However, issues related to her are still considered not too appropriate in a conversation with a stranger. There are several reasons for this:
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- What seems like a delightful tattoo to you can be a painfully masked scar associated with a long-standing psychological trauma.
- Even if a person is sincerely proud of his dreadlocks, tattoo or mohawk, he may not be in the mood to talk about it now. Do not hesitate, if your interlocutor wants to brag, he will start a conversation about his appearance.
- Questions about cosmetic procedures are an unambiguous taboo. If a person is not satisfied with the results of visiting the spa, a conversation on this topic will seem to him a hidden mockery. If satisfied, on the contrary, it will create the impression that the interlocutor is only interested in “purchased” beauty, and not he.
- Do not ask about the cost of any procedure. Most people feel awkward calling the price of a tattoo or a subscription to a tanning bed, and involuntarily try to communicate less often with people who made them experience unpleasant minutes.
Why do you need this?
One of the most unpleasant questions that can destroy even many years of friendship, not to mention a short acquaintance. If a person holds two dozen guinea pigs or collects labels from clothes - probably this is important for him. Even if all other people do not share and do not understand his hobbies. So asking him about the reasons for his hobby is a very bad idea. If he wants to tell where his unusual interest came from, he will tell it without leading questions.
Cost of things
Questions about money are traditionally considered indecent and form an unpleasant impression about the person who asks them. The incomes of all are different, and what one easily can afford, the other seems a real squandering. Therefore, such questions put in an awkward position not only the owners of the new clothes, but also everyone who is nearby.
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In addition, the issue of value, paradoxically, in a sense, devalues the subject under discussion. The owner may have the feeling that you are only interested in the prestige of owning it, and not he. For collectors and simply passionate people, this is tantamount to an insult. Try to discuss the appearance, quality or functions of the thing that interests you, without specifying its cost, and you will see how much pleasure your interlocutor will support the conversation.
